I am well aware that my previous texts about listening to suffering are “highly unspiritual” in the sense of how spirituality is generally perceived today. A “truly spiritual person” of today knows for sure that they “became spiritual” precisely because they want to secure for themselves “happy future lives” in which they won’t have to suffer in any way and will feel good, simply “there will be only positives and social security from now on”…
And this desire of course does not count with any co-experiencing of the suffering of others. This is the matter of someone much higher, who will come one day and again “take on all the sins and sufferings of the world” and thus will solve everything for us and then we will just enjoy those “happy future lives”. Either it will be “Jesus” or a “high vibrational being” or perhaps someone from some other extraterrestrial civilization… That “someone” will be so advanced that it won’t be a problem for him to provide us with this happy future by his own sacrifice…
That messiah simply won’t be able to look at all of this anymore and he will do whatever will be necessary… And then we will just enjoy our new freedom and we must hope that we won’t mess it up again this time, because we will be so spiritual that everything will be great forever… And if, by some strange coincidence, we would mess it all up again after all, then he will surely come back. He just can’t do otherwise, we know him well… He will repair everything again, and we will be happy again… and if we mess it up again, he will return again and again and again and again…
I am once again reminded of the experience I had in my trips already several times before… We are a group of young people somewhere in the future, sitting on the shore of the sea and “listening to the stories of the past that have remained unheard.” We listen to stories in which various souls are still trapped and are tormented by them and cannot free themselves.
Such stories are like shackles, it’s hard to shake them off. Stories of terrible accidents, wars, torture, suffering, illnesses, disasters… Many souls are still crushed by such cruel experiences. The collective unconscious of humanity is full of such horrors…
And we return to them, we take those stories upon ourselves, we experience them together with suffering souls, we hold those souls in our embrace in the moments of the most terrible horror, we tremble with them in fear, we wail, we moan, we scream in pain… And then suddenly comes the moment of liberation, and we experience tremendous relief and gratitude and freedom together with them… And we let those souls go…
Why do we do this? We are probably really weird, but we somehow feel that all the suffering stored in the collective unconscious of humanity is also our suffering. That we can’t escape from it, and we don’t want to… Many times we have experienced that our small consciousness merges into One Great Universal Experience of “US”. Many times in this interconnection, we have perceived the overall fate of humanity with all the horrors that are stored in it. And many times we have returned to our bodies, to our small separated existence with tears and pain in our hearts. We are all of this, it’s our common pain…
We on the shore of the sea in the future know very well what “evil” is. It is the darkest, shadowiest Shadow that exists. It is the most rejected part of the human psyche. We perceive times when people cruelly fought against evil – in others. According to them, evil was always in someone else, it was something they cruelly feared because… because they wanted revenge for their own suffering… because they were not sure if they would not behave the same way in the same situation… because they felt that we are all interconnected within ourselves… and that there are situations in which can fail even the most determined people who are otherwise pounding their chest and shouting loudly that they would never ever do such things…
We experience cruel evils together every time we immerse ourselves in the pain stored in the collective unconscious of humanity. We experience rape, torture, abuse, horrific types of death… all of this still resonates in the collective consciousness…
We always experience both the tortured and the torturer, we do not reject or condemn, we immerse ourselves in the deepest causes of these events and understand… we understand the chain of violence that goes throughout history… we cannot fix it, it happened, it is terrible, it cannot be erased… but we can help by co-experiencing it… because otherwise those souls “will not have the peace”, they still suffer, they are trapped in the shackles of these cruel traumas… we understand and love… it is a completely different kind of love, it is love full of pain and compassion, it is love that leads us to co-experience…
I understand that some readers may now have serious concerns about my mental health. A normal person doesn’t deal with something like this, a truly “normal person” of today enjoys life, contributes to charity, but otherwise turns away from suffering…
Only a sadomasochist can immerse themselves in the suffering of others. Or maybe a really experienced therapist or highly advanced shaman, which I am not, so why do I want to do something like this? And what if I’m just making it up so I can write a pathetic article on the internet and attract attention to me? That’s it, I’m just an exhibitionist – that’s the reasonable explanation… it’s so simple… it makes sense now and we can just continue our business as usual…
Co-experiencing is really terrible, but it always has a happy ending – there is always that moment of shaking it all out, moment of great liberation, relief, and gratitude. And this happy end is worth it… even though it really hurts…
I am a little boy, screaming in pain, crying, a man above me is beating me, literally insane… I am overwhelmed by terror, feeling completely defenseless and abandoned by everyone, my consciousness is clouded, I can’t do anything… and I also experience the tormentor, him too overwhelmed with anger and horror and also terrible fear… I immerse myself in his feelings, going deep into his childhood and I see how he suffered in a very similar way as a little boy and saw the same suffering around him, feeling brutally abandoned and rejected by everyone and his soul is heavily traumatized… it’s all stronger than him, he can’t control it, he is angry at everyone for his suffering, he hates himself for behaving like this, he hates even God for creating such a terrible world… I scream in pain for both of us, there comes a strong tremor and then suddenly lightness, freedom, relief…
I am a young girl, lying in bed crying and wishing to die… a man who satisfied himself on me just left… it hurt, it burned, he beat me when I resisted, everything hurts… alcohol and such terrible dark anger and fear came from him… I feel terribly weak and abandoned, nowhere to turn… tomorrow my mother will scold me again, maybe even hit me, and will say it’s all my fault, that I must be ashamed of myself, that I shouldn’t complain, that I must be strong and endure everything, she also had to manage everything when her husband beats her… I am that mother, she too experienced rape as a little girl and her mother scolded her, telling her she had to endure everything… she too felt terribly weak and abandoned and defenseless… a cruel resistance to sexuality runs in the family… and I experience those men who cause all of this, I experience their terrible inner emptiness, their pain from their own mothers’ insensitive treatment, I experience their hunger for love and care that they never knew, their experience of abandonment and helplessness, I experience their sleepless nights when nobody paid attention to them and they experienced incomprehensible fears and horrors… I experience their fear of women, their heavy, never-processed experiences from childbirth, their pain from abuse by fathers who experienced something very similar… it’s an endless chain of suffering… pain merges into one terrible outburst, there comes a tremor, a strong and chilling tremor, I cry out… and then suddenly a great relief floods me… unimaginable relief and gratitude… and freedom…
I am a woman who is wailing over the dead bodies of her children… I am deafened by the explosion, blood and dirt and tears on my face, I am paralyzed with horror… there are other bodies around me, chaos, confusion, mourning, groaning, screaming, flames, smoke… someone is shouting something about shelter and artillery fire, but I don’t want to go anywhere, my children are lying here… what’s left of them… I won’t go anywhere, I’ll stay with them… and I am a soldier who loads the cannon, numb with suffering and pain, what I cause doesn’t touch me anymore, the commander is behind me, if I don’t obey, he’ll shoot me, just like he shot other boys from our unit… someone was injured, someone refused to carry out the order… the military machinery has completely crushed me, I feel like an animal, if possible, I’ll get drunk tonight… I don’t believe any propaganda that they massage us with, but I keep quiet… luckily, we have plenty of alcohol… we all do it the same way in this senseless war that nobody on our side even calls a war… And then the next day, the enemy attacks our positions and I see the shockwave of the explosion flying towards me, tearing my body apart, and I endlessly fall into the embrace of death… I tremble with horror like that weeping woman, I tremble with horror like that young soldier, everything is full of pain and blood and torn bodies… finally, relief and liberation come, but with them also a huge cry… why all this?… I know I will have to go back there again, to all those torn and suffering souls…
As you can see, such empathic experiences really cannot be done by anyone “normal”. To voluntarily go into something like this seems to be absolutely perverse… But we do it – there on the shore of the sea in the future… because we have experienced many times that we are everything and we cannot escape from all that suffering… into any private, highly spiritual, advanced, and completely normal and happy paradise where none of it will touch us… We cannot do anything like that… We are just strange…
The ritual is over, we stand up, move our stiff bodies, cry, hug, refresh ourselves in the sea, breathe deeply, shake off the remnants of our experiences, let the amazing nature around us work on us… My girlfriend, who today was our great Goddess and opened and held space for all of us, respectfully collects the chalice from which we drank the “sacred potion of knowledge”… Today’s mysteries are over… In the following days, we will write down, share, integrate, pray for all those souls with whom we could share their suffering… But soon we will gather here again and immerse ourselves and experience… we cannot do otherwise, we already know too well that we are everything and everyone…
